Double Chris—Elaine Bonow
“What’s the matter darling, you seem so quiet this morning?” Chris rolled into the middle of the bed and reached over lightly touching Kris’ shoulder.
Kris pulled away without turning. “Oh shit after last night I sometimes wonder just who the fuck are you? I mean, lately you’ve been so different and strange when you’re high. It’s like I don’t even know you. And last night you were really high, let me tell you.”
“Well, that’s a mean thing to say, who the fuck am I indeed. Please. You are the one who always has to get high in the first place telling me to chill out. You know me, you’ve always known me.”
“You don’t have to remind me. Last night was rough. Everything was so crazy. To tell you the truth, I was still drunk from the night before. You know I can’t drink Tequila and I drank way too many Mojito’s.”
“Last night was all your idea. Do you remember? You were the one who told Jerry to meet us at the club. You were the one who told him to bring us some really good shit. You were the one who wanted to be on a triple high. You know I have a problem with coke. What were you trying to do to me?”
“Well, you didn’t have to embarrass me like that.” The images of Chris’ wild and crazy on the dance floor flooded her memory. They got to the Odyssey late, right around midnight. The music was thumping. They found a booth and Jerry found them. He sold Kris a fat gram of coke, two ecstasy tabs, some skunk weed in pre-packed vapes, a couple of valiums and two old-fashioned cris-cross speed tablets. They both promised each other that they would be good girls and just take a little of this and a little of that.
Chris had said, “Baby girl, we’ll go home early tonight. We can get high, dance a bit and be home by three.”
“Yeah I’m sorry girl. Why did I have to be the one to mess everything up?” Chris spooned Kris, holding her tight. “It’s just that I got a bit drunk and smoked one of the vapes. Someone dragged me into the bathroom and we snorted some coke and then I just got out of control.”
“Well, damn, out of control was a lightweight term for what you were doing. What do you remember anyway?” Kris pulled away and turned to face Chris so that she could look at her face. She touched her cheek and reminded herself of how much she still loved her.
“I remember a lot, I remember the music was thumping and that girl Margaret kept on at me. Plus you, you were busy all night with that butch dyke, Lori. I hate her. She’s such a bitch to me. She’s been trying to get in your panties for a while now.”
Chris and Kris, Double Chris, had been together since they were best friends in high school. For years, their relatives and friends thought they were just best friends who happened to share a house, hang out together, and go on vacations together. Their Facebook page had photos of the two of them posing together on the beach, or hiking in the mountains. Chris and Kris in family holiday pictures were always together and when they officially came out no one lifted an eyebrow.
“Jeeze, I have feelings, you know. That Lori just bores me. She’s always bragging about how much money she makes and how important she thinks she is. Plus you were dancing and I didn’t have anyone else to talk to. I was busy getting high. Lori had some edibles and I took both tabs of E.”
“You must have been high. I could barely get you in the cab when we went home.”
“How can you remember anything? No, I’ll show you what you were doing to that girl.” Kris rolled all the way over on top of Chris her small body in stark contrast to Chris’ big fleshy body. She pulled up her tee shirt and started squeezing and pinching Chris’ nipples, grinding hard against her making Chris groan with pleasure and pain.
Kris rolled off of Chris and said, “Do you remember that time we took LSD when we were just teeny-boppers? That’s when I realized that I was in love with you.”
“ Of course I remember. What fun times we had. Remember. I kept shouting, Who am I, Who am I Who am I? I couldn’t get a grip. Actually, that’s funny you said that. This morning I kinda felt the same, like I couldn’t get a grip on life. I guess last night I did get too high.”
Kris pressed her body back into Chris’ loving the softness and the familiar yielding of her body. “I wonder if you’re tired of me after so many years. You looked like you were having a good time with that Margaret girl. You were getting off on her. You looked like the girl so many years ago who had finally found out who she was.”
Chris slid from underneath Kris’ body, sat up on the side of the bed and pulled her tee shirt back down over her enormous breasts. “I wish you wouldn’t say things like that. You make me feel so ashamed of hurting you. Just how bad was I? The last thing I remember is going to the bathroom for another hit of coke and Margaret following me into the stall. Did I keep my clothes on? Did anyone any anything? I had my clothes on didn’t I?”
“Clothes on yes but you ended up on the dance floor having sex with that girl with a crowd around you watching and chanting obscenely and then that dude jumped on your back and… I’d rather forget the whole thing.”
“Why didn’t you stop me? What’d you do just sit there and watch the whole thing? Who the fuck are you? You are supposed to be my girl. You are supposed to protect me you are suppose to save me.”
“Who the fuck am I? Who the fuck are you? You were the one out of control. Maybe you were putting on a show for me or showing everyone that I am nothing to you anymore.”
“That’s not true, that’s not true. I was just too high. I must need help. I don’t want to hurt you but I realize I must have gone way over the top last night.”
“You’re right we can’t go on like this we’re just ignoring the inevitable. Truthfully, I have been worried about us for a while now. This wasn’t the first time you have cheated on me.”
“What do you mean this isn’t the first time?”
“You’ve blacked out before. I’ve always pretended that you were ok but this was the first time you fucked another girl in public, in public for god’s sake. I can’t forgive you this time.”
“What can I say? I don’t blame you for being so disappointed in me. I guess I need help. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, you know, with the blackouts and all. I’ll go into treatment if you’ll wait for me. I’ll go and hopefully I’ll find out just who the fuck I am, again.”